So every year we put together a series of FAQ (frequently asked questions) that will help party goers on St. Patrick’s Day navigate cover charge, parking, the menu, the band schedule and the dog question (which is a no – sorry.) We’ll do that again of course, but this go around I got to thinking about the other questions. The unspoken ones. The kind that you only ask a big brother or a good girl friend.
Ever have anyone tell you that there are no stupid questions? Well, that’s a bunch of nonsense. Of course there are. So here’s my list of St. Patrick’s Day (unaskable) questions …and their answers.
#1 – Must I drink Guinness?
Whats wrong with you? Yes. You should have one. It’s tradition. If you don’t like it, move on to something different. Remember, Guinness is lower in alcohol content and calories – if that helps. It really is a great session beer.
#2 – How do I drink all day without getting completely pissed?
Yea, you want to avoid that. Experts know the facts about absorption. Beginners always rush at the beginning. Ask the old dude over by the window. “One an hour, you’re in Power. Rush your Session, learn a lesson.” Wise words to drink by. Remember, you are in an Irish Pub afterall, so eat well, pace yourself and you just might make it ‘til last call.
#3 – Should I drink that shot?
Yes. This is the one day of the year that it is perfectly acceptable to buy and accept shots from strangers. Because, on St. Patrick’s Day at an Irish bar, there are no strangers. Just friends you haven’t met yet.
#3b – But what about what the Old Dude said?
He’s old and often refers to #1 as his answer for anything on Paddy’s Day. Carry on.
#4 – Must I wear green?
If green isn’t your color don’t sweat it. Better to look good and not conform than to look like your skin is a web of veins. Plus, we sell tees at the pub. So, if you change your mind after a few pints, we’ve got you covered with the coolest green party tees in town.
#5 – What about PDA on St Paddy’s Day?
No. Unless no one’s looking …and people are probably looking.
#6 – What do I do with all these cups?
Keep one. Toss the rest. You don’t have room at home for all those cups. Unless you do, in which case, by all means, stack and roll. Just don’t think for one goddamn minute it’s going to make you more attractive to the ladies or impress anyone but a liar.
#6 – Will sex be involved?
Sure. We can’t make any promises though. Re-read #2
#7 – But I’m Not Irish!?
Yes you are. On St Patrick’s Day everyone is Irish …provided they have a drink in hand, and a smile on their heart. Drink? Check. Smile? Check. You’re Irish. Done.
#8 – What are those kids doing here?
They are Irish dancers and they are awesome. They are also watching- so behave yourself. They leave around 5pm.
#9 – Gee, my bartender/staffer is attractive. Can I ask them out?
No. Come back some other time.
#10 – Once I’ve entered, may I leave and come back in again?
Yes! Now, why wouldn’t we want you to come back? Just keep your wristband on. But, if the Fire Marshall says we have to hold the line because we are too busy, then that means you too. That’s the only risk you will take leaving the best St Patrick’s Day party in town …a long wait to get back in.
Bonus question: What do I get for the cover charge?
Look, it’s a bargain. Bands, beers and lots of beautiful people. Can you put a price on that? Yea? Ok. You also get a super-valuable bounce back offer so next time you’re at the pub you practically break even. So lighten up. It’s so worth it. We haven’t had a complaint yet.
Ps. Leave the coolers at home.
Slainté